It's been 3 years.
10 years ago
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
i don't know why i am always misunderstood. i don't know why he just couldn't get it that once trust, my trust, is broken it will take more efforts than winning it the first time. but i couldn't make him understand that because for him, his actions or his thinking are more acceptable than mine. i will never ever feel guilty or sorry. why should i? hindi naman ako ang may kasalanan in the first place. hindi naman ako ang sumira sa usapan... at lalong hindi naman ako ang paulit-ulit na nagkakamali. duh... go to hell or to where he wants to be. the nerve to cursed my kid pa. why not cursed his daughter and his long-lost love interest!!! gggrrr....... i know i will never be at peace not until one of us will be let go of forever. when will he get that???!!!
sigh, ang energy ko nasasayang na naman. anyhow, the day's gonna be long and busy. i have my driving class in the evening which actually started last night and i also have to pick up lance's tarpaulin later on from mitch. one stress gone! hehe. one good thing that's worth looking forward today. =) thanks so much, mitch! asan na pasalubong from UK? =)
Monday, March 31, 2008
i felt so accomplished today. medyo marami na rin akong natatapos for Lance birthday ek-eks... hehe.
1. AVP - i have finished one of Lance's AVP! i am still working on his photo slides AVP though. so happy ako sa background music ng first AVP ko. not your typical AVP song at sobrang swak for a birthday. :) here's the link for the video: Lance the Great. i'd like to thank one of my GT sis (sis muahmuahmuah - so apt diba?) for sharing this song title and artist with me.
1. AVP - i have finished one of Lance's AVP! i am still working on his photo slides AVP though. so happy ako sa background music ng first AVP ko. not your typical AVP song at sobrang swak for a birthday. :) here's the link for the video: Lance the Great. i'd like to thank one of my GT sis (sis muahmuahmuah - so apt diba?) for sharing this song title and artist with me.
2. Cake - i have ordered a 30x40, 2 inches chocolate-vanilla cake from La Bagette in Khalidiya. i gave them my theme and small M&M figurines to use. i hope they make something special, beautiful and yummy out of it. hehe.
3. Invites - printed and distributed. yep, i distributed the last pieces of invitations last night for the GFC folks.
4. Lootbags & Souvenirs - all filled up and tagged. awaiting for distribution na lang on the day itself. =)
5. Outfits - i was able to buy a reddish-orange shirt for me already. yun nga lang, yung celebrant wala pa. =( hindi kasi bagay sa kanya ang dark green. i saw one lime green shirt in Mothercare the other day however his size is not available already. hay, nakakainis! ganda pa naman.
so far, so good na rin naman with the latest updates. what i haven't finalized still are the food and decorations. however, i will be meeting sis mitch for the tarp (which hopefully i could get na) and sis gihan for the food tonight. then i'll buy folder for the coloring books and finish this DIY project. i'll try to squeeze in to buy the transparent balloon this week and also have my haircut, syempre. haha. i'll probably go over the venue area this weekend, too.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
it's been awhile and i guess, i owe my readers (if i have one...hehe) some update on how the birthday preparation for my son's birthday is coming along. i barely have 2 more weeks and i still have lots of things to do. cramming na talaga ito! hahaha!
1. Venue - Al Muhairy Center it is. i have paid the reservation already but i still plan to visit the venue a few days before the party to make sure that my piñata, balloon burst, tarp and program will be accommodated. the AVP is 80% done. i just need to add a background music and save the font files used in it. the problem is, i haven't edited the music pa. gosh. i am also waiting for a surprise video clip from my friend nina. hopefully she can get me one (crossing my fingers, hehe).
1. Venue - Al Muhairy Center it is. i have paid the reservation already but i still plan to visit the venue a few days before the party to make sure that my piñata, balloon burst, tarp and program will be accommodated. the AVP is 80% done. i just need to add a background music and save the font files used in it. the problem is, i haven't edited the music pa. gosh. i am also waiting for a surprise video clip from my friend nina. hopefully she can get me one (crossing my fingers, hehe).
2. Decorations - my tarp hasn't been printed yet. i'm still waiting for mitch to come back from UK. sigh. the mere fact that i am just waiting ay nakaka-strees na huh! hopefully she won't leave me hanging in mid-air. i also need to check out balloon sticks for the kids. i might add some if the budget permits. i am wishing i could have balloon pillars and baloonderitas as well. DIY???!! kaya kaya ng powers ko yun?
3. Food - no food provider yet. we still need to decide whether to get a caterer or have someone cook for us. in short, it all depends on the budget! ngehehe. we have shortlisted our supplier between a pinoy cook and a chinese cook. haha.
for the cake... no final supplier for this yet. the toppers i still need to clean it this weekend. we are still to attend another birthday get-together to taste one confectinery's product. =)
as for the chocolate fountain... well, we have tested and tasted it! hihi. so far, so good. i also have the serving bowls for the fruits already. shortlisted the fruit choices to be: kiwi, melon, grapes and strawberry. yummy noh??! =) however, a fellow mom suggested that addition of cocoa butter substitute (CBS) will do wonders in preventing the chocolate to solidify again. the problem is, i dunno where to get that here in UAE. waah!!!!!!
as for my plates... i have bought yellow, blue and red disposable plates already but these are the small ones. i'm not happy with it. =( i wanted something bigger. i need to check out other stores for that as well as for red spoons that is not available in Carrefour. however my cups, fruit picks and other colored cutleries are complete.
4. Invitation, Gift Tags - this is the tricky part. i haven't done it yet! the venue provided me with invitation cards but it's not a personalized one. the layout that i made was not yet put into printed copies. however, the softcopy is for sending out today. i was able to print out some tags but still not finish. even marvin helped with the cutting of the M's. hehe.
5. Games & Prizes - yippee! i'm done with my piñata and i now have the glass jar for my guessing game. i need to cut one more M and put double-sided tapes on my "Pin the M" game accessories pa. hay. i have bought small balloons and a manual pump for my balloon burst DIY project. however, i still need to buy a big clear balloon and curling ribbons. got the balloon burst ideas from my GT sisters. thanks!!!
my M piñata
with the balloon shaper still intact. at the moment, i have popped the balloon already and filled it with goodies.
DIY'd m&m magnets - i will add this up to my prizes goodies.
6. Music - i tried to burn the selected songs but it's too late to know that the first song is faulty. kainis! nasayang tuloy yung blank CD. i will try to download a good file of the first song and then burn another dance music CD.
7. Lootbag / Give-aways - my lootbag and give-away items are complete already! i still need to fill it up with goodies though and finish putting tags on them. the give-away items are salt/pepper shakers that come in four (4) colors. i will fill it up with m&m chocolates inside. here are the snapshots of my DIY items:
the m&m pouch bags...
our give-away... the m&m shakers...
the empty shakers @ front view - showing the 1st tag
the empty shakers @ front view, showing the 2nd tag
an empty shaker up close, showing the 2nd tag
8. Outfits - marvin now have his blue polo shirt for the party. who says i can't make him wear this color??! haha. eh Gap ba naman yung tatak eh. anyway, we'll shop for lance and my outfit this week. lance will wera something green and i will have the red color. sabi ko nga, kay ate bel yung yellow color eh. hihi.
Friday, March 07, 2008
i was promised that marvin will allot time to listen to my sentiments that is why i have headed my pride, speak to him and somehow agreed to go to dubai with my cousins. somewhere along the way, i felt that i was mislead. anyway, i had to go with the music and pretend to be enjoying the day. magaling na akong pretender ngayon eh. i can usually get away with it.
we left abu dhabi at 9AM and reached dubai at 11AM. sunduan pa, ayun tinanghali tuloy. sigh. i know it'll be like the old days wherein i had to force myself to smile for people around me.
we were able to reach Ras Al Kaimah's Dreamland Aquapark past 1 PM. the resort was like Wild Wadi but bigger. however, i rate it second best to the latter because the water in this park is quite cold. Wild Wadi's water is lukewarm. due to this cold water (even in children's pool!), lance wasn't able to enjoy the trip much. patingin-tingin lang siya. wawa nga eh.
here are some photos taken at the site:
the gang... kheigh's not here coz she's the one who took the photo
hanggang sa picture-an, nagkukulitan pa rin
yiippee!!! umayos din! hehe
Thursday, March 06, 2008
a long time ago, i was one of those who claimed the ever famous phrase, "alone but not lonely". this time it's different... i am not alone but i feel so lonely. how ironic!!! yeah, yeah, so i like the I'm So Lonely rendition of Alvin and the Chipmunks but who says i want to sing it???!!!
i feel so lonely because for the first time in my life, those whom i used to confide my innermost feelings and who are genuinely listening has moved on with their lives. my mom, some very close friends...
i feel so lonely because the person whom i expect to be sincerely concern just wouldn't want to listen. couldn't even stand to listen.
i feel so lonely because i am now inactive in doing the things that used to be my outlet for venting out.
sigh. life. i guess, i am best left alone with all my hurts and grudges or else the whole world becomes as dim as my world. right now, i am just a floating person trying to be present in the real world, struggling to remain in the surface yet slowly drowning. my responsibilities are creeping to my consciousness. telling me to stay. so i am physically staying, though my mind is somewhere else and my heart longs for a home.
i feel so lonely because for the first time in my life, those whom i used to confide my innermost feelings and who are genuinely listening has moved on with their lives. my mom, some very close friends...
i feel so lonely because the person whom i expect to be sincerely concern just wouldn't want to listen. couldn't even stand to listen.
i feel so lonely because i am now inactive in doing the things that used to be my outlet for venting out.
sigh. life. i guess, i am best left alone with all my hurts and grudges or else the whole world becomes as dim as my world. right now, i am just a floating person trying to be present in the real world, struggling to remain in the surface yet slowly drowning. my responsibilities are creeping to my consciousness. telling me to stay. so i am physically staying, though my mind is somewhere else and my heart longs for a home.
Friday, February 29, 2008
we were supposed to go to Dubai today but marvin failed to get a rent-a-car vehicle that's why the original itinerary was cancelled. my cousin and aunt, together with a friend, opted to travel to Abu Dhabi instead so that we all could go to Lulu Island together.
they arrived sometime after lunch but before we headed for the island, we had our lunch consisting of fried chicken and adobong squid. doing this, we only have to bring snack which is composed of a medium-sized pizza, the super-yummy special cassava cake* that i baked, a bottle of cola and water to drink.
we headed off to the island around 4 pm. taxi fare cost us 6.50 AED from our home to the boat ride station. the travel by boat lasted for only about 10 minutes. nope, no fare was collected for the boat ride. even babies were allowed to board alongside with their strollers (sayang nga eh, we could have brought Lance's stroller. anyway, there's always a next time). lifejackets were provided for all the passengers during the course of the trip.
when we have reached the destination, a ticket booth can be found right after getting off the boat. the entrance fee for the resort is only 15 aed per person (children excluded), which includes a ride to and from the main gate to where you wanted to get off. bus stops and canopies are strategically located on the island. you have to tell the driver where you wanted to get off! aside from a bus, a train ride can also be availed of for 5 AED per person. like the bus counterpart, the train will also tour around the whole island.
they arrived sometime after lunch but before we headed for the island, we had our lunch consisting of fried chicken and adobong squid. doing this, we only have to bring snack which is composed of a medium-sized pizza, the super-yummy special cassava cake* that i baked, a bottle of cola and water to drink.
we headed off to the island around 4 pm. taxi fare cost us 6.50 AED from our home to the boat ride station. the travel by boat lasted for only about 10 minutes. nope, no fare was collected for the boat ride. even babies were allowed to board alongside with their strollers (sayang nga eh, we could have brought Lance's stroller. anyway, there's always a next time). lifejackets were provided for all the passengers during the course of the trip.
when we have reached the destination, a ticket booth can be found right after getting off the boat. the entrance fee for the resort is only 15 aed per person (children excluded), which includes a ride to and from the main gate to where you wanted to get off. bus stops and canopies are strategically located on the island. you have to tell the driver where you wanted to get off! aside from a bus, a train ride can also be availed of for 5 AED per person. like the bus counterpart, the train will also tour around the whole island.
in our case, we decided to get off in the pool area. interestingly, lifeguards are also within the vicinity to oversee the tourists. the water in the pool is clean enough (hehe) and the temperature is controlled. if it hasn't been a chilly afternoon, we surely had a dip. yun nga lang, it's freezing still kaya picture-picture na lang muna. hehe.
here are some of the pictures taken during our short but fun weekend escapade.
here are some of the pictures taken during our short but fun weekend escapade.
mga turista sa sariling lungga
the girls
mga babae sa batuhan 1
mga babae sa batuhan 2
man-made island at the back
katatapos lang maglaba...hehe
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
i am having terrible headaches and eye discomforts lately. i haven't been able to see an eye specialist yet kasi tinatamad ako and honestly, a bit scared. anyhow, i have been to the driving license office and i was not allowed to open a file for driving license due to uncorrected eyesight. hay. that means, i really need to see an eye doctor. i had no choice but to convince myself to see one as soon as possible.
on the contrary, life's been the same as usual. work-home-work routine. i sleep late, yet still wake up in the middle of the night to cuddle lance, i still eat a lot, still loveless, still envious for those that gets a church wedding, still undecided whether to help somebody who doesn't deserve helping, still bitter to those who have hurt me, still regretful for people i let go but shouldn't have, still suffering for holding on to someone who should be set free, still blaming myself for someone else's unfulfilled dreams, still lonely, still bored, tired yet still fighting, still daydreaming, still afraid, still hoping for happy endings, still believing that fairytales do happen... to some folks but unluckily not for me, still wishing to find unexpected happiness, still being still.
Friday, February 15, 2008
we went out and had dinner in Talay, a Thai resto inside Le Meridien Hotel. we had a sumptuous dinner actually and the evening was breezy. it was a family affair and everyone behaved well. marvin shelled some prawns for me and helped me disengaged the lobster's meat. yeah, yeah, so the food was great. i love seafood and we were seated right next to the sea. so that makes the food and ambiance goes together.
after an hour of eating and being so fat (the bill and us!), we paid the bill of 730 aed (PhP 8,000+!!!!) and headed for home. yeah, we need to rest as we have spent more than we should for a month. haha. anyway, once in awhile lang naman yung ganitong pagkakataon. i guess, this is his post-valentine's treat. okay na sana eh. if not for being so masungit when we were watching TV. hmp.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
yep, it's valentine's day. it is something being celebrated here in the UAE by expats, including pinoys. as for me... well, i spent my valentine's day at work. i was in the office til 8 PM because i still have an equipment installation going on. actually, the supposedly Thai resto dinner is not something i'm looking forward to. honestly, i don't look forward to valentine's day anymore.
the day's been busy and gloomy. one thing that made a difference lang is a friendster message from a long lost friend who never fails to remind me to take care and take it easy at work. buti pa siya, kahit hindi nya nakikita physically how hard i work, alam nya how i devote my energy at my job. i missed my friend. i missed being called "dear". i missed being reminded to smile.wala lang. happy valentines sa lahat ng inspired.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
i am not fond of yoghurt... well, not until today??!! i tried to eat it twice on separate occassions long way back but both attempts failed to get me hook into it. then marvin get hooked on it lately and he used to give me a spoonful or two each time he consumes one. now, i am infected with the yoghurt madness!!! hahaha. now, yoghurt becomes a part of our grocery trolley. even lance gets his own yoghurt for kids! =) i like the layered fruit yoghurt. i am having one right now with blueberry. yummy!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
i made a few changes on my Save the Date card layout as suggested by a co-forumer. :) lance's picture used to be a watermark but now, i had it pasted as normal. it looked better, i may say. if i run out of time, i plan to have the save the date cards be used as invites. ngi! tinamad! hahaha. anyhow, i've been working now on his AVP and i have made the M&M stickers for the envelopes, too. Last night, i also tried to bake the M&M cookies i found over the internet and it tasted so good! hehehe. i might make it as pica-pica stuff. i also started on the first layer of my pinata. i used the spoiled baking flour as paste. may silbi rin! hehe.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
despite having no nanny for 5 days, i'm proud of my first accomplishment amidst taking care of Lance and his dad. yeah, yeah... para akong may 2 anak when they are together. both needs to be fed on time, watch out for and iligpit ang lahat ng kinakalat nila! ooopps! na-a-out of topic na ako..hehe.
going back on track... as for the birthday preps, i was able to make two layouts! one's for the save the date cards and the other's for the tarpaulin. the save the date cards will have soft- and hardcopies. softcopies are for those with emails and outside the emirate (para tipid! hehe) and hardcopies for those who are located here in abu dhabi and primitive (meaning walang emails...hehe). i plan to have the save the date cards printed on 3R size photopapers then seal in red/blue/green envelopes with an "m" self-made stickers para ma-emphasize yung theme. as for the tarp, i am not sure how big it will turn out but based on my layout, less than 5 ft wide lang ito. i tried to make a 5ft wide tarpaulin but the M&M graphics i was able to download were not high-resolution enough. hay.
by the way, the save the date cards has 4 pm as timing nga pala because marvin prefers that time instead of 8pm. that i still have to arrange with the venue folks if it's still possible to change. hopefully i can have it change this week or else, ulet na naman ako! hehe. anyway, all's well that end's well so just view my accomplishments' snapshots below. =)
save the date card front 1
save the date card front 2
save the date card back
tarpaulin layout
Thursday, February 07, 2008
a few more days to go and it'll be my baby's first birthday. hectic nga eh at wala pa akong accomplishment besides conceptualization on how it'll be celebrated. anyhow, as for the plans here goes:
1. Venue : Al Muhairy Center (tentative). i had it pencilbooked on April 10th between 8-11 pm. the other schedule's 4-7 pm and considering that it's a workday for some, i deemed it'll be better if we'll have it on a later time. the advantage of this venue is that there would be no need for fuss on decorations anymore as the place is prep up already. a plus, is the availability of a projector and a widescreen excellent for an AVP.
2. Decorations : i might add a few balloons to suit my theme. a few red, blue and green balloons would do. i inquired from a balloon shop and it'll be 4 aed/pc. i might ask other shops for a cheaper find. i miss balloon pillars... sigh.
3. Food : i might have it catered. i don't have anyone on mind yet as to from whom. but i'll surely have a chocolate fountain and a chocolate cake! the choco fountain supplier i still have to get from mitch and the chocolate cake... hmm, i might bake one nalang as what my hubby suggested. if i find the guts to do this, i'll just put the M&M characters na lang that i bought online as toppers. hahaha. astig! however, i dunno how to make the icing wording nga pala... need ko yata mag-crash course on cake decoration pa. hehe. perhaps, to make my life easier and my guests lives safer, i'll have to order a cake from Ms J na lang. hihi. lastly, i need to buy red, blue and green paper plates and colored cutleries to go with them pa pala!
4. Invitation:
- save the date - i have a layout already and some wordings to go with it. am not sure yet kung okay na yun. anyhow, ito na yung final layout talaga. the back would say:
Melt or roll, run or crawl
Please grace Lance Ralen's
1st Birthday and go out of control!
Have your party hats readyFor it'll be a fun M&M's party
for our little baby!
- invitation - no layout yet. i might go with M&M cut-outs and printed photo of Lance to go with it. DIY lang.
- note card / gift tags - no lay out yet. however, it'll have the same contents as the invites na lang siguro.
5. Banner & Tarp : i have no layout yet. i am now working on the tarp, however i couldn't find a high resolution M&M clip art over the net!! grrr... i was able to crop out Lance's photo though and had it positioned on a 5x3 feet blank sheet. thank God for PhotoImpact! as for the banner, i am thinking of making a welcome banner which has Lance's 12 months' pictures. i have spoken to Mitch regarding her friend who's willing to print this out. hay, heaven sent talaga!
6. AVP : yep, i should do this! sayang naman yung venue kung wala nito. nope, wala pa akong nagagawa. perhaps, i'll make one in powerpoint na lang since i'm cramming already.
7. Games : Bingo, Guess How Many M&M's inside?, Pin the Tail on an M, and Dress Me Up! i need to make the M&M for pinning and have ate bel make the M costume pa! pressure!!!! i have 6 types of prizes for giving, although i secretly want to keep one. hehe.
8. Music : I'll have Lance's favorite CD played na lang siguro... hehehe. though i have downloaded some dance songs as well courtesy of Limewire. i still have to streamline the song lineup and have it burned on a CD. cramming!!!
9. Loot bag/Souvenir: i might have an M&M bag na lang filled with goodies for the kids. then for adults, i'll have shot glasses with M&Ms. for the loot bags, it would be nice to have M&M coloring book sana inside each bag but i couldn't find a downloadable print over the net. kainis!
10. Outfits : we don't have yet for now. pero it'll be nice if we could get a blue colored shirt for marvin, green for lance and red for me, just like our M&M characters. hehehe.
hopefully, i would be able to pull this off! iba na ang OC mom! hehehe.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
marvin called around 8:30 pm and invited me to go out. he said he wanted to unwind and suggested we go to Tambayan and have a few drinks. straight from work, he fetched me around 9:00 pm and off we went to the bar to chill out. while on our way, he said "see how small my world here in UAE is. i only have two friends at ikaw pa yung isa". of course, it's just a description but it did make me laughed. somehow, it's nice to know that at least, i am one of his friends and in times like unwinding, i get on the list to be invited. after two hours, 2 bottles of beer for him and a rum for me over a platter of calamares and fries, we headed for home and went fast asleep.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
after almost 15 days, me and lance are going back to UAE. marvin will be trying out as a chance passenger.... i will be coming back with a confused mind, a love and respect going down the drain and a trust that is completely broken. as to how marvin will fix things, that i do not know and is yet for me to find out. as for now, he claimed that everything's over between him and the girl. he told me that from now on i shouldn't worry about it. to show that he has nothing to hide anymore, i will now be taking care of his finances including allowances which he needs to send to the philippines. though i still have doubts on his claims i am risking again at the moment because lance embraces him at night, the delos reyes family loves lance so much and because i know he would do the best thing for lance (or the next best thing, at least). i made him choose which family he plans to build and he chose us. this is something i should hold on for now... (okay, aside from the fact that i know he got ditched out, bwahahaha).
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
me and lance had to come home to Manila ASAP for my father's wake. marvin said that we should take the Gulf Air flight so that it will be the three of us who will come back to UAE together.
the trip back to Manila was very difficult because lance is throwing off feats on the plane. good thing i was able to sit beside rolly's sister and another kind bicolana who helped me out in pacifying lance when he's at his worst. we arrived early in Manila and marvin fetched us at the airport. lance started showing off to his father. i was just casual as i don't have the energy to be angry at this time.
we reached home around 5 PM and i immediately went to tatay's casket. his face was so heavy and i felt his pain. i didn't cry as much as i have had too much crying yesterday and the days before already. it's as if all my tears ran dry. i felt angry inside but i was trying to hide it because i know it is too late. too late that i wasn't able to dance with my father on my church wedding, too late that i wasn't able to bring him in the UAE and enjoy its winter, too late that he wasn't able to see lance walking and talking, too late that we were not able to show him that he means so much to us... so sad.
me and lance stayed in my sister's house. during the funeral, all sorts of emotions and reasons for depressions came in. depression on what happened and what is happening in my families. i guess, it is also tatay's way of trying to fix things for me.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
i was taken off balance with the recent happenings at the start of the year that is why i wasn't able to formulate my 2008 resolutions on time. however, now that i have managed to be still i think it is just right to have my resolutions in placed. here goes...
- love and take care of myself - i have forgotten to take care of myself lately and i will try to be better on it this year. i need to stay pretty, cheerful and jolly. as what my friend tells me before, i should "keep smiling". i need to go to the parlor more often, stay focused in getting fit, eat and sleep right, have a positive outlook, and seek unfulfilled dreams with such gusto once more.
- love and take care Lance even more - i have been slack on this task as well. i have been so depressed that it affected my role of being a mom to my son. i promise to wake up in the early morning for his milk, check his diapers, play with him more often, feed him, go out with him and be patient with his kalikutan.
- value time - i have missed so many things and is now cramming to make up for the lost times because of procrastinating. from now on, i will try to stop sulking, stop sour-graping... but instead, do the things that i should be done.
- move on - a hard task to do but something to be done. i should be firm on this decision and stand by it. i should not be contented on what was offered but instead, demand on what i want and what i am entitled. otherwise, better to have none at all.
- pray more - i am lost and i need to find peace. i need to do this more often.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
you are not the first man that i have loved but i promised myself that you will be my last. i have gave my all to the point of not leaving some for me. you let me believed that you will never hurt me the way others did. and what do i get after all of these things... broken promises and shattered dreams.
sabi ko sayo noon, 1 or 0 lang. i won't take half or even 3/4. you agreed, you convinced me that i am the One. bakit ganon? i dunno when exactly you started lying. has it been a lie long before? hay, ang sakit-sakit. unexplainable how hurt i am.
when i first fell in love and get dumped, i feel like my heart has been broken down to a thousand pieces. ngayon, hindi lang thousand pieces because i am hurting not just for myself but for my baby. reconciliation? what is there to reconcile? we didn't fight because of something. i am letting you go because you don't love me anymore. yep, no need to deny it because i can feel the difference and i can see that your smiles are entirely different when you are with them.
i don't know what is to happen in the coming days. all i know is that ayoko nang ipagpilitan pa ang sarili ko. i don't like to hope that we could build a happy and peaceful family. enough is enough. it's a new year and i like to start a new life.
Monday, December 31, 2007
looking back with the year that passed, it was not bad after all. there are still many things i am thankful for although there are still things left unaccomplished. lemme start off with things i am thankful for:
- lance - of course! my baby and my life. everyday he's growing up to be adorable and makulit. we often wondered where he got his traits become he is so malikot, makulit and funny in his own way. if i have been beaten with walis ting-ting when i was still young because of my kamalditahan, then stop wondering where lance took his personalities. =) i am so thankful i gave birth to a healthy and bright baby boy.
- new friends - yeah, i have listed this as the 2nd because not only it is hard to find friends but it is even harder to find good friends here in the UAE. to mention, they are rolly, ely and molly... hahaha. their name rhymes! =) rolly's been helpful and i really find a "brother" in him. not an older or younger one, but someone of the same age. i could talk to him about family life, my work, my plans...minsan nga, nagi-guilty na ako because i could be consuming more of his time for his own family eh. but then again, i am very thankful for meeting him. the two new guys, sir ely and coach molly as i call them, were my other new friends. they are the most patient ones, of all my friends! hahaha. imagine, teaching a cat to swim??!!! of course, i am not a cat. but they were really supportive and patient in teaching me (and my kumareng jen) in playing tennis even if we hardly have the potential. anyhow, me and jen still scored A for Effort. =)
- family - i am thankful for my families who has been supportive, helpful and understanding. i thank my brothers and sisters who are always there. i thank my cousins here in the UAE who always visits me and lance. them, who help me take care of lance especially ate bel.
- work - for the financial needs i am getting out of it. yeah, yeah... even the learnings. =) i don't think i still have anything else to say about this matter as my issues were already flooding this blog. anyway, despite all the negative things i feel about it, i am still thankful i got a job. a job that helps me buy lance some milk, diapers and clothes. =)
- sanity - hahaha. yep, i am thankful i haven't lost it yet. with all the problems that battered (and still battling) me this year, i so thankful i am still sane. i just don't understand why some people are so hard to talk to and just couldn't decide what they want to do with their lives. if only my (or lance's) future will not get affected, i wouldn't care!!! the sad part is, that is not the case. with that, i am continuously trying to figure out what's on their heads and how to make them think straight. will they have a chance? i dunno.. i guess, it's what 2008 have to offer me --- to look forward that miracle happens and it will make difficult people a little less difficult. hehehe.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
i have laid back in blogging because i am uber busy these days. i am juggling between being a mom, a domestic goddess, a daughter, a worker, a tennis player, a choir member, a friend and a migrant wannabe.
as a mom... i had to take care of lance at least, even after office. he's closer to ate bel na nga than me eh. good thing, he still sleeps with us and i'm still the one who can lull him to a good night sleep. mas type nya kasi ang lullabye songs ko. =)
as a domestic goddess... just as soon as i change to my house clothes, i had to cook dinner. ate bel aren't into cooking eh. even if it's okay for her, i still prefer that i'll be the one to cook. masyado kasi nyang minamadali ang pagluluto, which i don't like. i feel na masyadong nasa-shock yung niluluto when done in a rush. =) imagine eating a shocked fish??! hahaha. ang weird, diba? with the fish's eyes looking at you... haha. also, friday is ate bel's off, therefore i had to be both a mom and a domestic goddess at the same time on that day.
a daughter... yep, lately even if i am miles away from home, i had to call every once in awhile and check the olds. the family is in the most difficult trial in a lifetime that needs resolving kasi. it's hard to get things done, especially that i am relying on my siblings to keep things under control. it's doubly hard that those involved are not interested to fix the problem. sigh... the least that i can do is check on them and pray.
a worker... things aren't good in this role of mine. i am pissed off with my superiors but i have no choice but keep working. if not for my son's future i could have given up... =( right now, i have four instruments for installation. four different processes to study.. cathodoluminescence, laser diffraction, centrifugal force, spectroscopy... plus other issues to settle. mababaliw na nga yata ako!
a tennis player... with all the roles that i am playing right now, this is what makes me feel alive. and why not??? i had tremendous body pain every sunday because i play tennis on saturdays. it all started after ramadan when i met two new friends (ely and molly) who had been so patient in teaching me and my friend (jen) how to play the game. we are not that good yet but at least, the tennis balls can now reach the end of the other court and we can now volley.
a choir member... oh-no.... this i have completely backed off. hopefully, not for long. but for how long, i don't know. i wanted so much to go back but my 24-hour is just isn't enough with all the things i need to do. hay. anyhow, i am hoping i could go back when lance finally walks on his own so that we could spend our mommy-baby bonding time singing with the choir. hehe.
as a mom... i had to take care of lance at least, even after office. he's closer to ate bel na nga than me eh. good thing, he still sleeps with us and i'm still the one who can lull him to a good night sleep. mas type nya kasi ang lullabye songs ko. =)
as a domestic goddess... just as soon as i change to my house clothes, i had to cook dinner. ate bel aren't into cooking eh. even if it's okay for her, i still prefer that i'll be the one to cook. masyado kasi nyang minamadali ang pagluluto, which i don't like. i feel na masyadong nasa-shock yung niluluto when done in a rush. =) imagine eating a shocked fish??! hahaha. ang weird, diba? with the fish's eyes looking at you... haha. also, friday is ate bel's off, therefore i had to be both a mom and a domestic goddess at the same time on that day.
a daughter... yep, lately even if i am miles away from home, i had to call every once in awhile and check the olds. the family is in the most difficult trial in a lifetime that needs resolving kasi. it's hard to get things done, especially that i am relying on my siblings to keep things under control. it's doubly hard that those involved are not interested to fix the problem. sigh... the least that i can do is check on them and pray.
a worker... things aren't good in this role of mine. i am pissed off with my superiors but i have no choice but keep working. if not for my son's future i could have given up... =( right now, i have four instruments for installation. four different processes to study.. cathodoluminescence, laser diffraction, centrifugal force, spectroscopy... plus other issues to settle. mababaliw na nga yata ako!
a tennis player... with all the roles that i am playing right now, this is what makes me feel alive. and why not??? i had tremendous body pain every sunday because i play tennis on saturdays. it all started after ramadan when i met two new friends (ely and molly) who had been so patient in teaching me and my friend (jen) how to play the game. we are not that good yet but at least, the tennis balls can now reach the end of the other court and we can now volley.
a choir member... oh-no.... this i have completely backed off. hopefully, not for long. but for how long, i don't know. i wanted so much to go back but my 24-hour is just isn't enough with all the things i need to do. hay. anyhow, i am hoping i could go back when lance finally walks on his own so that we could spend our mommy-baby bonding time singing with the choir. hehe.
a friend... this is a role i am not so very good at. i cannot say i have fulfilled this task quite well because if i would befriend myself, i would definitely plunk. i help friends through friends. does it make sense? all is can say is, i hope my friends pardon my shortcomings. i definitely love to spend time chatting with them, hear their sentiments, enjoy barbeque, go shopping with them, do crazy things... i just couldn't snatch a perfect timing right now. however, i will make up next year. pramis! =)
as a migrant wannabe... yeah, 2 more years to go and it would be the end for this goal. yep, i have set my 35th years of age as my final migration year. within that period, i should be able to submit the immigration application to the country where i want to migrate or else i should say goodbye. decision-making as to where's the best place to migrate is just tough. i haven't been to these countries (Canada, Australia or New Zealand??) and opinion varies. because of these, i have to do a lot of reading and research which are just so difficult to squeeze in my schedule. sigh...
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