my complicated life

me and lance had to come home to Manila ASAP for my father's wake. marvin said that we should take the Gulf Air flight so that it will be the three of us who will come back to UAE together.

the trip back to Manila was very difficult because lance is throwing off feats on the plane. good thing i was able to sit beside rolly's sister and another kind bicolana who helped me out in pacifying lance when he's at his worst. we arrived early in Manila and marvin fetched us at the airport. lance started showing off to his father. i was just casual as i don't have the energy to be angry at this time.

we reached home around 5 PM and i immediately went to tatay's casket. his face was so heavy and i felt his pain. i didn't cry as much as i have had too much crying yesterday and the days before already. it's as if all my tears ran dry. i felt angry inside but i was trying to hide it because i know it is too late. too late that i wasn't able to dance with my father on my church wedding, too late that i wasn't able to bring him in the UAE and enjoy its winter, too late that he wasn't able to see lance walking and talking, too late that we were not able to show him that he means so much to us... so sad.

me and lance stayed in my sister's house. during the funeral, all sorts of emotions and reasons for depressions came in. depression on what happened and what is happening in my families. i guess, it is also tatay's way of trying to fix things for me.