Thursday, October 07, 2010

Realizations

0 comments Posted by myleen at 4:26 PM

i was able to attend the 5th day of the Misyong Pilipino last night. it was... hmm... i dunno how to describe it. whatever the word is...it made me feel good to unload my heavy heart. good thing, they purposely turned off all the lights. the whole area was just lit up by the candles on the altar. fr. arlo asked the whole congregation to talk to Jesus. to ask him for forgiveness, to seek healing (physical, spiritual, emotional) and to give thanks.
i cried a river. i suddenly missed home and as usual, i missed my tatay. after the mass, i feel the urge to go home to the philippines. ewan ko ba. i need to breathe fresh air yata. =(

i asked for forgiveness for doing things against His will and yet, He still treats me as a friend. forgiveness for hurting the ones that i love and for not doing the things that I am supposed to do. i asked for healing.. physical, spiritual and emotional... i really needed it now. i feel battered, tired and hopeless. most of all, i utter words of thanks for the countless blessings that i am continuously been receiving. marami-rami rin pala.

last night, i promised myself that i would try to be a better person. ang hirap. hahaha. i tried to withhold myself from doing things that i want versus what is right. i didn't succeeded. however, i ended up being hurt doubly than before. ang tigas kasi ng ulo. pinagpipilitan pa kasi.

today, i realized how foolish i am.

 

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

My Mission

0 comments Posted by myleen at 2:06 PM

i had a colorful month. overjoyed. overwhelmed. over-stressed. over-booked.
my schedule has been fully-booked... weekdays or weekends, nighttime or daytime. it is tiring. physically and emotionally draining. almost run into a public bus one morning coz of a blank mind. yeah, with all the things i had to think of, i chose to think of nothing. and with all the things i need to do (help friends with their party preparation, make personal errands, go to the doctor , be a good mother, etc.), i ended up finishing nothing.  i am burdened, i am uninspired, i am miserable.

decided to pause for awhile.

i have been attending a week-long retreat in St. Joseph Church, entitled Misyong Pilipino. each night, parishioners were asked to take one bible verse to bring home to. last night, i got this:
Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
i am so thankful i got this... i needed it today and i think, for the coming days.
with each realization on this retreat...i found myself crying. sigh... it is sooo difficult. i wanted to take some choices but i can't. i wanted to follow my heart but it leads nowhere. i wanted to disappear but i can't leave someone behind.

my mission: make myself happy. find my purpose --- i just don't know what i must do. i am leaving it to Him now.

i'm back online. it only means one thing.... i'm alone again... naturally.

 

;;
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)