my complicated life

1. On the first day of the Mango sale, the sister of myfriend was looking around and picked up a dress when a woman at the counter started screaming,"Put that down,that's mine!" The sister of my friend looked up, looked at the woman up and down, raised an eyebrow, and replied, "Excuse me. You are NOT small'".
2. A supervisor once told a worker who has difficulty in understanding instructions, "Ang ulo, hindi lang yan pinapatong sa leeg, ginagamit din yan sa pag-iisip."
3. A friend told another friend, "Naku, magme-make-up muna ako, baka magmukha akong yaya mo." The other friend replied, "Wag na, magmumukha ka lang yaya ko na naka-makeup. "
4. I told my then boyfriend during a fight, "Even onyour smartest day, you're not half as smart as I am on my dumbest!"
5. "Ako, I was born beautiful. Ikaw, you were justborn."
6. A letter posted on a car windshield in UP:"Sir/madam, the parking space that we have reserved isfor the College Secretary, not for you. Guard."
7. When I saw friend I haven't seen in a long time, she told me, "Grabe, lalo ka pang tumaba!". So I told her, "Ikaw din, lalo ka pang pumangit!"
8. Pag sinisingitan ako sa pila, nagpaparinig ako. I say,"Ang pilang ito, according to beauty. Mga panget muna."
9. From the movie She's The Man: "Girls with an ass like mine don't go out with boys with a face like yours."
10. "Maliban sa mukha mo, ano pang problema mo?"
11. I once told an officemate who kept on bragging about her new shoes, " Sale, right?"
12. I pointed a "7 items or less" sign to a clueless pasosyal at the supermarket. She bitchily answered,"I can read!" Sabay irap. So I shot back with,"I know, but can you count?"
13. "Tuwing nakikita kita, gusto ko mag-sorry sa eyes ko."
14. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be bitchy. It's an involuntary reaction whenever I encounter ugly people."
15. Man: "Hey baby, what's your sign?"Woman: "Do not enter."
16. Man: "how do you like your eggs in the morning?"Woman: "Unfertilized. "
17. After receiving her pay slip and realizing how muchshe's paying for tax, a sosyal officemate exclaimed,"Ang mga poor ba nagbabayad din ng tax?"
18. During a hike at Mt. Mayon , we had a maarte companion. When we ran out of water, our guide got us some from antural spring. The maarte girl said, "Dini-drink bayan?" I told her, "Bakit, sa inyo ba ang waterchinu-chew?"
19. Overheard from 2 kids talking. Kid 1: "Lahat tayo galing kay Adam and Eve." Kid 2: "Hindi yan totoo. Sabi ng papa ko, galing tayo sa unggoy."Kid 1: "Hindi natin pinag-uusapan ang pamilya mo, kaya wag kang magulo!"
20. A friend told his officemate: "I'm impressed. I've never encountered such a small mind inside such abig head before."
21. Bading: (envying a girl na crush ng crush nya)"Isang butas lang ang lamang mo sa kin!"
22. I was staring at an ugly bystander in their street. The ugly guy snapped, "Bakit ang sama mo makatingin?"I snapped back, "Eh bakit ang sama mo tignan?"
23. A friend once told me, "Ang ganda mo!" I answered: "Thank you, sana ikaw rin."
24. I told this to an ex: "I must admit you brought religion to my life. I never believed in hell till I met you."
25. "When a cashier tells me she doesn't have change, I say: "At kaninong problema yun?"
26. "Kung lahat ng tao galing sa unggoy, bakit ikaw, mukha kang kabayo?"

Pasensiya Na

pasensiya na, di ko kayo naipagluluto
almusal ninyo'y hindi ako'ng naghahanda
sa umaga hindi ako nagpapaligo
at ni minsa'y di nahatid sa inyong eskuwela.

pasensiya na, inyong damit naglalaba'y iba
di ko alam paborito ninyong meryenda
ang homework nyo, hindi ako katulong gumawa
pag may sakit, hindi ako nag-aalaga.

pasensiya na, ako ay palaging wala
pasensiya na, bihira tayong magkita
di nyo alam, lagi akong nag-aalala
ang puso ko ay nariyan, kahit ako'y wala.

hindi ako pinalaki sa karangyaan
naranasan kong kumalam ang aking tiyan
kupas na uniporme aking pinagtiyagaan
butas ang sapatos papuntang eskwelahan.

bago ako nagdesisyong maging isang ina,
pinangako kong hinding-hindi kayo magdurusa
ang buhay nyo ay magiging laging masagana
gagawin ko ang lahat ng aking makakaya.

pasensiya na, ako ay palaging wala
pasensiya na, bihira tayong magkita
di nyo alam, lagi akong nag-aalala
ang puso ko ay nariyan, kahit akoy wala.

pasenisya na at tv ang taga-aliw tuwina
ang gatas nyo, hindi ako ang nagtitimpla
darating ang panahon, trabaho'y tapos na
pangako ko mga anak, tayo'y magsasama.